- Ken Mac left a six-figure engineering job to become a stay-at-home dad to his four children.
- His wife earns $500,000 a year and supports the family financially.
- Despite societal judgments and missing work, he knows this is the right choice for his family.
This as-told-to essay is based on a conversation with Ken Mac, a 43-year-old stay-at-home dad in the Chicago area. It’s been edited for length and clarity.
We have four children, ages 19, 15, 7, and 5 — and while my wife, Andrea, makes over $500,000 a year as the family’s breadwinner, I’ve been a stay-at-home dad for the last seven years.
I used to work full-time as a new product design engineer for a global industrial manufacturing company, but I left when our third child was born. I made six figures when I left engineering, and my wife made six figures as a CMO at a law firm, but less than her current income.
I’d worked for the same company for 15 years and enjoyed it
I had the freedom to work on projects that interested me. The atmosphere was great, and I made a lot of professional relationships and friendships.
When I told my coworkers I was resigning to become a stay-at-home dad, they were shocked that I’d leave such a well-paying job. They also wondered how much money my wife made for that lifestyle change to be possible.
When I was still working in an office, I’d start work at 6 a.m., so my wife took the lead on the kids’ morning routine, and then I’d be home to take over with childcare when they were done with school.
When our third child was born, we knew our family dynamic needed to change
I felt it was important to have a parent at home to handle the needs of our kids. My wife wasn’t ready to pause her quickly advancing career, so I decided to make the sacrifice and pause mine.
We considered childcare as an option, but the cost would’ve offset a good portion of my after-tax income.
I knew it was the right decision to care for them myself, but I was worried about the change. This wasn’t just a career change — it was a life change, and I was taking on a role I might not be prepared for.
I have no regrets, but that doesn’t mean it’s always been easy
I miss my career, the accomplishments, the relationships I’d developed, and having a different part of my identity. Spending so much time with my kids builds friendships with them, but that replaces time spent making connections with my adult friends and coworkers.
However, I feel the impact and reward of my job as a stay-at-home dad more than I did as an engineer.
Our kids don’t understand that having a stay-at-home dad isn’t a common dynamic. We don’t lead with traditional roles — we just know that this is how our family works.
My wife and I had a romantic relationship before this decision, and our relationship continues to grow and evolve. Our love, respect, commitment, and attraction to each other aren’t based on our job titles. If anything, I find my wife more attractive, and I’m sure she’d say the same.
I’m extremely proud of her for being so successful financially. Respect and communication are key in our relationship to avoid resentment.
My wife has shared that she sometimes feels like the “second choice” parent
Our kids tend to prefer me since I spend so much time with them. I have an advantage in the parenting department, which sometimes leads to a little “mom FOMO” for my wife.
I try to give her the perspective that missing out encompasses the good and bad parts of being the “go-to” parent. The favorite status sometimes changes as quickly as the weather. One minute, you’re the greatest thing in the world, and the next, they have no need for you.
My special connection with my kids reminds me that I made the right decision on the hard days. It also underscores the demands of being a stay-at-home parent — there are no breaks, no sick days, and no PTO. “Preferring” me isn’t just the snuggles and cuddles — it also means homework help, doing multiple bedtimes, and wiping butts.
I work a minimum of 12 hours a day, seven days a week
With six people in a household, dishes, laundry, cleaning, and meal preparation can seem never-ending at times, but it never feels unequal to me. My wife and I are a team with different responsibilities, but we don’t have a defined split of household duties and childcare.
I typically handle getting the kids up, school drop-offs and pick-ups, cleaning, dishes, laundry, playtime, educational activities, dinner, and helping with homework. I also coach all of my kids’ sports teams.
My wife often helps, but during the weeks when she travels for business, I take on the full load.
My community consists almost exclusively of moms
It’s difficult to form relationships with other stay-at-home parents since most are women. In my experience, moms are generally more comfortable with other moms, so it takes more time to build that comfort level with a dad.
Another challenge when meeting new families is being asked, “What do you do for a living?” This always prompts a pause before I reveal I’m a stay-at-home dad. Sometimes, I feel the pressure to add that I had a successful career before.
People aren’t always supportive
One time I dealt with a moment between my second grader and her friends where it seemed a kid was being excluded. I handled the situation respectfully, including talking to my wife. The other parent didn’t think the situation was handled correctly and said to my wife, “A mom would’ve handled it differently.”
Another time, I was talking to a parent with a child who was applying to engineering programs. I told the mom that her child was welcome to speak to me since I have an engineering degree. She seemed surprised and said, “And look where that degree landed you.”
What I’ll do after my kids are grown is one of the biggest questions on my mind
If I needed to return to work for financial reasons, I’d do whatever was in my family’s best interest.
In a little over a year, our youngest will be in full-day school, so I’ll likely start my own business or take a hobby and turn it into an income generator. I’m almost sure I won’t return to engineering but will venture into another area.
For now, I love that I get to know my kids at a deeper level. I see their uniqueness and funny quirks that make them who they are and get a front-row seat to their lives. I want to make the most of that opportunity.
Want to share your story? Email Lauryn Haas at lhaas@businessinsider.com
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