‘Societal problems stem from dysfunctional parenting’ — Guardian Woman — The Guardian Nigeria News – Nigeria and World News

Kathlyn Eyitemi is a gender advocate, author and social crusader. She is the founder of K Community, an initiative protecting the rights of girls, teaching them to defy limits that their present circumstances and environment put on them and helping them be their best selves. In this interview with GERALDINE AKUTU, she talks about ‘The Journey’ Project and women empowerment.

What is The Journey Project all about?
The concept of The Journey Project began when I got to a point in my life where I was thoroughly demotivated and I felt lethargic about everything. Although I had earlier conceptualised the idea of journaling about my journey in life and turning it into a book. I just couldn’t soar creatively on the wings of that singular idea. So, I began to get into this idea that if I could just listen to other women talk about their own life journeys maybe I would feel a spark. That was how I reached out to a couple of purposeful women and asked them if they could share their stories with me. They happily obliged and I started getting emails. When I read through them, I was blown away and there was this overall fresh inspiration that came over me; I suddenly came alive. Some of the stories made me cry and some just encouraged and challenged me at the same time. And so, I started publishing the stories on my social media platforms. Eventually it will materialise into a blog and a book but beyond that it’s what we are also doing with girls that is particularly interesting. I partner with these women to directly inspire girls in rural areas with their stories. We are taking our stories to the classrooms and town-squares to let girls know that life is a journey and so many of us have walked the path that they now walk. The goal ultimately is to inspire and storytelling is fundamentally the most viable platform for inspiration.

Why the focus on girls?
Well, if you have been following my work in the last decade, you will know that my focus has always been on girls so everything I do revolve around impacting girls. Here’s our reality; girls are vulnerable and they have a very delicate existence. One mistake can mar a girl’s life completely. Let’s say she gets pregnant at an early age. What then happens to her dreams? It is girls that are mainly victims of rape. Most girls grow up to become abused women because of misinformation and poor choices and of course a malfunctioned justice system. Boys have their peculiar problems too but that’s just not my area of focus. I have had a project in the rural communities in the Niger Delta for the last three years so I am merely incorporating that into the Journey Project as it aligns with the objective of my project.

Can you talk about your interest in advocacy for women and girls?
I am a rape and domestic violence survivor and even though that’s not the reason I advocate for women and girls, my history has lent credence to my passion and it has given me the psychological material to focus singularly on my advocacy. I think there’s such a huge vacuum in this area, it will take more than mere talk and a few programmes here and there to conclusively address the marginalised status of women and girls in Nigeria. We are in this for the long haul, until we see girls living in safe environments where they no longer have to watch their backs minute by minute and until women are no longer objectified, we will still have a lot on our plate. 

You are so visible on social media, how does it impact your activism and the work you do?
Social media is a viable tool for impact of any sort so everyone is leveraging on that. Thankfully, it has given us the opportunity to do much more than we could have ever accomplished if we did it on our own with the manual systems of just electronic and print media as it used to be before the advent of social media.

Do you support women empowerment?
I support it because an empowered woman will raise stable and mentally healthy children and ultimately that will spread into the larger community. Much of the problems we have in society today stems from dysfunctional parenting occassioned by a system that has been designed to cripple women mentally and financially. A weak woman cannot raise strong children.

What are some of the issues faced by women in our present society that challenge them in achieving empowerment?
I think our problems are embedded in the rules of our society. The rules must change. Religious rules that malign women. Cultural rules that disrobe women of their rights as human beings. These are the underlying fabrics that erode our social, legal and labour space disallowing women to rise into positions of power and relevance. Yes, a few women seem to have scaled this hurdle. But what’s the ratio?  We can do better. 

What are some ways women can empower themselves or those around them?
Thankfully, we are in a digital age so everything is digitalised, making it easier for people to access all kinds of opportunities. So even a stay-at-home mum can now earn money from the comfort of her home by either selling products online or developing employable skill sets either as a service provider or as employees.

It also means you can acquire new sets of skills online too. So, it’s never been easier for women. There’s a lot women can do for themselves nowadays because everyone has something of value that can be monetised. Also, to be honest while I think it’s good for a woman to have her own money but when we talk about women empowerment, is broader than just money making. It’s about policies and systems that advance the collective good. Women have to vie for relevant positions in leadership in every sector so that we can contribute our full quota to nation building. We should own industries and become vast employers of labour without sexism laced into the fabric of ownership the way we see it everywhere. Women should not produce as women in the workplace, their work should be recognised on the basis of individuality. When a man owns a business, people don’t ask to see his wife, why is it different for a woman?  Why do they ask, who is her husband? Why do men who are landlords refuse to rent out their houses and facilities to single women, preferring instead to deal with women who are married? If more women own properties, we will have a more liberal environment.

How can we build self-confidence in women?
We have to teach women to choose themselves over everything else. Prioritise self-care and self-advancement. That kind of approach will ward off some of the crippling decisions women make that put them at disadvantage because this is all about mindset.