No matter what a family looks like, courage, compassion and heroism are all needed to excel in parenthood. On holidays like Father’s Day, it’s necessary to reflect on the lessons we’ve learned from parents, as well as the lenses through which we analyze conversations about love and parenthood.
“Now that I’m actually a dad and have a 7-year-old, you know, I think fatherhood or parenting really is just about being able to offer some of the best lessons that you have to someone else,” said Densil Porteous, executive director of Stonewall Columbus and a proud father with his husband.
That is no small feat, so all doing their parts can help show appreciation.
Since its inception in Washington in 1910 and subsequent inauguration as a national holiday in 1972, Father’s Day has existed to honor America’s dads.
But what does this look like for a family without straight parents and blood-related children?
Need a break? Play the USA TODAY Daily Crossword Puzzle.
“As two men raising a child, we definitely face discrimination,” said Dwayne Steward, founder and CEO of Make it Better Consulting. “It’s not always easy, but we make sure that we surround ourselves with people who are supportive.”
Steward said he understands that Father’s Day is about love above all else, no matter what a family looks like.
“It’s less about the fact that it’s Father’s Day and more about the fact that we’re taking a moment to just love each other and it’s just another opportunity to do that,” said Steward.
And now this joyful celebration includes another family member, as Dwayne and his husband Lawrence Howard-Steward adopted their son, now-10-year-old Quinten, in January 2023.
“We partnered with an amazing organization called Open Arms Adoption. They walked us through the process and they really specialized in older child adoption,” said Steward.
Inspiration:Starting a family is ‘Worth the Wait’ for young-adult cancer patients and survivors
Dwayne and Lawrence did this after attending a Pathways to Parenthood conference hosted by the Family Pride Network. They learned how to adopt and become parents as members of the LGBTQ+ community, and then continued their research.
This journey brought them to the sad truth that as children get older in the foster care system, it becomes less and less likely for them to be adopted. This led Dwayne and Lawrence toward adopting an older child, as they wanted to do their part in easing structural pain.
Coming from a nontraditional family, Quinten has sometimes faced strange and prying questions from his peers, but Dwayne and Lawrence have shown him what to say to cut straight to the chase.
“There have been situations where people ask him some questions about having two dads and about, you know, his background,” said Steward. “We just make sure that the answer that we always give is he has two parents who love him, and that’s all that matters.”
Porteous, too, recognizes the importance of expressing and accepting love in “nontraditional” families.
“I grew up in a in a heteronormative home. I had a single parent, just my mom,” said Porteous.
The conversations Porteous was exposed to about romantic love while growing up were focused on men and women, and he said he is excited to see them changing to reflect the diverse reality of parents.
Porteous has experienced some of the best of this acceptance and appreciation straight from his daughter. She voiced her gratitude toward her two fathers.
“She said, ‘Oh, one kid has, you know, one dad.’ And she’s like, ‘I’m pretty lucky because I have two great dads, right,'” said Porteous. “I thought that was, you know, a wonderful thing for her to say.”
These sentiments clearly gel with the public consciousness, with holidays like Trans-Parent Day, the first Sunday in November and Nonbinary Parent Day, the third Sunday in April, being recognized and celebrated nationwide.
The Power of Pride:3 stories of Columbus LGBTQ+ people telling how they celebrate, endure
“I think there are ways in which our society is now trying to make sure that we’re breaking down these gender constructs and providing other options because not everyone fits into this binary system,” said Steward.
This Father’s Day, Steward expects to be cooking out on the grill while Quinten draws pictures for him and Lawrence.
Read More
